Twins
When you discover you're expecting twins you're likely to feel shock, excitement and finally panic! Just how does one cope with two at once?
Here we offer practical advice to help you cope and enjoy your very
special discovery.
Identical Twins
Identical twins are always the same sex. During conception they begin as a single egg that is fertilised in the usual way by a single sperm, but at the start of the cell division, this egg splits exactly in half, and each of these halves develop into a separate baby. Even though they have an identical genetic formation, they can look surprisingly different at birth, with one being slightly larger than the other. This is due to one of them feeding more efficiently from the placenta, thus gaining more nourishment.
Fraternal Twins
Fraternal twins can be of the same or differing sex. This takes
place when two eggs are each fertilised by a different sperm in the
same monthly cycle, this means that they will be non-identical.
Fraternal twins will not share a placenta, but if they are lying
very close together, it may look like they are identical on the
scan.
Your chances of conceiving twins is much higher if:
- You have been having infertility treatment or have been taking drugs to stimulate ovulation.
- Twins run in your family, and even higher if you are a twin yourself.
- You are around 37, as twins are more common in older mothers.
- You are of Nigerian origin.
Bringing the Twins Home
If your babies' were born pre-term or suffered additional complications, the hospital may want them to spend some time in a specialized unit, where they will be able to receive 24 hour medical care. This, although may seem unfair at the time, is quite a blessing, as it offers the fatigued mother time to recuperate and boost her confidence with the help of trained medical staff. Once they are healthy and of a desired weight, the time will come for you to be able to take them home. This can be quite frightening at first and you will probably be wondering whether you will ever learn to cope, doing two things at once. Try to arrange for someone to help out in the early days, as it will be hard work, but try and relax, as there is no doubt that you will cope.
Weight Gain
As with all mothers, feeding and weight gain is likely to be a hot
topic of discussion, wondering if her baby is gaining the weight it
should. This is particularly true of mothers who have twins,
especially if they weighed very little at birth. Unfortunately there
is little available information as to what is regarded 'normal' in
the case of twins, so it is recommended that you visit your clinic
as often as possible, asking any questions that may hound you.
Most twins are of a low Birthweight and their need to gain weight is
much higher than that of a single baby, this probably explains why
they feed so frequently in the early months. Their weight gain will
be gradual, and how long it takes them to reach the desired weight
depends entirely on how premature they were at birth.
Sleeping
The feeding of twins is probably the biggest difficulty in this
situation, with lack of sleep being a very close second. The
combination of lack of sleep and lengthy feeds, is most likely going
to leave you feeling totally washed-out, with a sense of inadequacy
of not being able to cope with what is promoted as a glamorous image
in any woman's life, creating images of how things ought to be. When
you fail to meet up to the expectations of these notions, you become
totally despondent, without realising that the fault doesn't
actually lie with you. Constant hard work and lack of sleep
intensifies these feelings, and only you as a mother of twins, will
realise the importance of receiving adequate rest during the night
to be able to cope with the daily care that is needed by the babies
each day.
First and foremost, do not try and set unreasonable limits for
yourself. You are unique and have accomplished a miracle by just
being able to bring two beautiful new creations into the world, so
before creating an emotional battlefield within yourself, try some
reasoning, by praising yourself for how wonderfully you are
managing, for a person coping under these difficult and trying
times.
Secondly, bear in mind that this stage will pass, although it may be
almost impossible to believe at the time, especially if this is your
first attempt at motherhood. Your babies will eventually settle into
a sleeping routine, but at what stage, depends on how premature they
were at birth. Premature babies will for quite some time require
frequent feeding during the night, and may take a little longer at
establishing a suitable routine, where they wake less frequently
during the night.
Bathing
During the early months, before your babies are able to safely sit on their own, you may find that bathing is a very time consuming task, that may become quite monotonous, considering the fact that only one can be bathed at a time. There is light at the end of the tunnel though, as a general wipe-over will still keep baby smelling like roses, with the 'full bath' being left for days when you have added help. As the twins get older, it will be easy enough for you to be able to let them bath in the same bath, however, care should be taken in not leaving one twin unattended while dressing the other.
Clothing
Clothing twins is an expensive yet important matter, as every mother
wants their child to be beautifully dressed, even more so in the
case of twins, where they are likely to be viewed by every passing
eye. Dressing twins identically may seem like a natural thing to do,
and this can be fine while they are still very young. However as
they grow older, it is important for each child to retain a separate
identity, and this can be difficult if they are constantly seen as
'one'. Many parents decide to offer the children a choice as they
get older, but this has it's downfalls, as they may by this stage be
so used to dressing alike that they find it difficult to change. So
to encourage each child's individuality, it is better to save
identical dressing for special occasions and allow them to dress
differently most other times.
Nappies
Being a mother of twins, you will realise that 'free-time', has definitely become something of the past, so to lessen your workload, you may just want to consider the use of disposable nappies. It may however be far cheaper for you to use towelling nappies, but then one has to consider all the extras, such as nappy liners, waterproof pants and the extra laundry that are all required for this choice. Combining the use of both types are usually the easiest - using towelling nappies during the day and disposable’s at night or vice versa. Buying in bulk should also be considered, as this will save you a trip to the shop and ensure that you don't run out at the most inopportune of moments. In the case of twins, asking for disposable nappies as a gift, opposed to other baby paraphernalia, can offer a great saving to the family budget.
Development
The speed at which premature babies develop, may seem somewhat
slower than that of a full-term baby. Slower growth and development
is normal for twins, so expect your darlings to reach their
milestones a little later in life. They will at one point or another
catch-up to their peers, with there being little difference between
them and their classmates, once they reach school-going age.
Your twins development will not only differ from that of other
children, but even from one another, in the case of non-identical
twins. Identical twins will most probably develop at the same rate
to one another, while non-identical twins, especially those of
differing sexes will develop at different rates throughout
childhood. In the early stages, one twin may already be walking
while the other is still trying to master crawling. Girls often grow
more rapidly, with boys only fully catching up, somewhere in
adolescence.
Toilet Training
Teaching two young children the art of bladder control can, if
attempted at too young an age be a nightmare for both mother and
child. For children to become fully toilet trained they must have
gained sufficient control of the muscles concerned and this ability
takes physical maturation, just as learning to ride a bike does.
Children, especially those of differing sexes, will progress at
their own speed, and you may find that one masters the technique
well before the other. This however doesn't suggest that the issue
should be forced on the slower twin - rather praise each for their
individual efforts. The fact remains though, that as their mother,
you will have to make the decision as to if you feel they are ready
for toilet training, or if you are prepared to leave it for another
couple of months.
Individuality
When there is more than one child per family, the children have to
share parental attention, with each child inevitably receiving less.
Although, where the children are of different ages, the
individuality of each child is accentuated, through the different
activities each child is allowed to share with their parents. Thus
in this respect, each child has somewhat a totally separate life to
that of her brothers or sisters.
In the case of twins, where the children are of the same age and
often the same sex, it may be quite difficult to treat each child as
an individual. Many parents, without actually realising it, go on to
treat their twins as a pair, instead of two children, who may have
very different needs. Getting to know each child is of great
importance for you to be able to recognise the differences in their
temperaments and the activities they prefer.
The Secret Bond they Share
Twins share a special closeness - something that other siblings fail
to have. This strong tie between one another, can at times create a
barrier between 'outsiders' and themselves, and through this mutual
awareness, never feel the need to have the companionship of anybody
other than just the two of them. The emotional security they derive
from each other, can be very beneficial to both parents and twins in
their early years, especially when encountered by new situations,
and not having to face them alone.
As twins start to mature they will strive for individual attention,
and because they are often so alike, may find it difficult to differ
their attention seeking strategies. This competition can develop
into a love/hate relationship, where they feel somewhat trapped, yet
eager to become a single person, who receives individual
stimulation, discipline and love. In this case, many twins reject
one another through showing totally opposite traits - if for example
one twin is extremely extroverted, always chatting away and seeking
social acceptance, the other may seem somewhat shy and subdued. So
it is for this exact reason that you cater for the individual needs
of each child, by offering each quality time, spent alone with you.
School
One method of allowing your twins to develop separate identities, is by placing them in different classes at school. This allows each child to form his own friendships and excel at his own pace, without the pressure of the other twin. At first they may both resist this suggestion, especially seeing that beforehand they have almost always spent every waking hour in the company of one another. Educating them together may seem like the natural thing to do, and even the staff may seem a little puzzled at your suggestion, so it is important that you express your concern of wanting each child to be treated as an individual and not as a pair.
Older Siblings
Your other children may feel resentful towards the twins, who seem
to take up much of your time, especially if they are sickly or
extremely demanding. This change in routine from only to older
child, may take some time getting used to, and the older child may
show signs of feeling a little rejected at the thought of being
somewhat 'left-out' of the special relationship the twins share. In
some cases, with the arrival of a new baby, the older child may show
signs of acting quite grown-up and will relish at the idea of being
'Big Boy', or he may go to the other extreme of becoming baby-like
in an attempt to gain your full attention. This is quite a common
change seen in most children, with the arrival of a new baby, and
doesn't just happen in the case of twins. To make matters easier on
yourself and your family, it is vital that you understand that he
was the first on the scene and there was never any reason why he had
to compete and share your love. So be sure to offer him the same
amount of care and stimulation that he has become accustomed to,
even if this means, enlisting the help of others to aid in the care
of the twins in the early months.
